Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Tie and Knot and Hang On

Life has become a Soap Opera and things have just gotten into such a turmoil I find myself swirling from thought to thought, prayer to prayer, and the script seems to just rumble on from disaster to disaster.

I don't know why I'm so confused -- I know my prayers will be answered, one way or the other; I know God is in my corner, that He is hearing all the prayers and messages of thanksgiving family and friends are sending Him. Every morning I read our daily devotional and then the scriptures listed to enhance and explain the messages. But, while my faith doesn't waiver I feel weak for a couple of reasons. You see, this is the 50th day Lenny has either been in hospital or rehab. Every one of those days, with God's help, I've been at his side for eight to ten hours (a couple of times continuously for 48 hours). He is now back in the hospital, his diagnosis pneumonia, urinary tract infection (or the combination of both). And, of course, his Parkinson's Disease isn't helping anything, especially the choking and swallowing problems. Of course, the fact that he'll be 89 next month is also a factor, I'm sure. Isn't this dreary? Right now he can't stand or walk on his own. This after 41 days of therapy where he had come from not being able to stand and walk on his own to such an improved state they were planning on discharging him this week. Stuff dreams are made of…but now they are on hold, again.

This does sound like a bloody soap opera, doesn't it? That is if I allow it. Right now I'm fighting and the prayers and good wishes of family and friends are my mainstay. But, and isn't there always a but? I'm not going to be at his side today, I'm too sick to go in to a hospital —cold, sore throat, cough and all the rest. I can't expose him and others to my malady.

So, when your mind is in a turmoil you flit from one thing to the other, question yourself and only make things seem blacker than they are. The author in me is continually trying to write and re-write the script and that is out of my hands and I know it. This morning when I awoke, coughing, sneezing, aching and discouraged, I heard my mother's voice (she's been gone for 17 years). She said, "Sunny, when you get to the end of your rope you tie a knot in it and hang on." She always seemed to have a funny or poignant answer to problems. Maybe that's because she, as all of us, had a lot of 'life's problems'.

I'm hanging on. Things will get better. Thanks for listening and please, keep on praying. That's the only answer we have.