I Never Thought . . .

I never thought I'd be using terms like neurologist and cardiologist or life expentancy subjects with my 48 year old son and be talking about him.

Paul was born strong; he walked early, pulled himself up before other children; played viorously and then graduated to sports where he gave 110% encountering various injuries along the way. He was great in baseball and basketball and, while he wasn't really interested in football, gave that a try too. He was a healthy baby and even though he suffered various injuries during his rough play and sports years, he was always healthy and strong. He was a good worker and loved his job.

In June 2008, Paul contracted, if that's the right word, a disease called Legionnaires Disease. I didn't know much about this disease except that it was first detected and named when a group of Legionnaires attended a 1976 convention in Philadelphia and suddenly came down with a malady. There were many attendees who became very ill and some who died, so it made the news for quite some time.

When Paul was hospitalized and then diagnosed with LD he was away with friends and his two youngest children on a camping trip. They were about 100 miles from home up in the mountains of Pennsylvania. He was rushed to the nearest hospital and, of course, at that time the diagnosis hadn't been made. He was put on life-support and remained there for eleven days. I was 1200 miles away and had to rely on his two sisters and the hospital staff for daily updates. The staff at the hospital was exceptionally good in explaining things to me. As they put it, "LD is like the worst case of pneumonia possible." Clear, but not too encouraging. Later, after he was off life-support, I Googled Legionnaires Disease and found some pretty startling statistics, such as the death rate for those hospitalized with this disease is 50%. I'm glad I didn't Google while he was still on life-support.

This disease is caused by bacteria which grow in warm, wet places like hot water tanks and air-conditioning systems. He had a window air-conditioner in his bedroom however, we have no proof as to whether that was the source or not. No other family member contracted the disease and none of the other campers were or became sick.

After the hospital stay, which revealed some other problems such as he had a small stroke although it wasn't clear whether this happened prior to or during the onset of the disease, or while on life-support.

His recovery has been slow, he is no longer strong, he has terrible headached and he is always tired. Paul also had back surgery prior to this incident and while that was a recurring problem, it was manageable before this latest incident. He has been told, and understands, he will never work again. That, in itself, is a discouraging outlook for a man his age and certainly nothing a parent wants to hear.

These continuing symptoms have sent him to his doctor time and time again and it was he who finally recommended Paul see a neurologist. Since then there have been tests after tests over the past year and a half and yesterday when he called me he said, "Mom, the neurologist wants me to see a cardiologist. He thinks that because of some of the test results there may be blockage in my heart and there may have been another stroke. He's not sure. I'll let you know when the next test is scheduled."

It was a shock to hear these words but being the consummate Mother and optimist, I gave him the Mom's positive outlook speech. "We'll continue to pray, Paul. It will be okay, you have good doctors."

Then he said, "Well, I told the neurologist I'll do anything they order but I want to live to see my kids graduate from high school." That knocked a big hole in my positive reaction but I said nothing negative. I will continue to pray, that's all I can do.

Paul has five children, three of his own and two he adopted; his eldest, Andrew is married and has a boy and two step-daughters. One of Paul's adopted daughters has a little girl so Paul is a grandfather to two. His youngest children, a boy and a girl are 12 and 8. When he told me he wanted to live until the kids have graduated high school my heart shrank but what can I do but be supportive and pray for him.

A mother's heart can take a lot but sometimes there are things . . .I never thought . . .